![\"\"](\"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/IMG-20230402-WA0106-225x300.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Diana in a red gown holding a white cane.<\/p>\n
By Kesah Princely in Cameroon.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Growing up as a little girl, Diana Wirndzerem always dreamt of a good future with a cute sighted man. In her mind, her knight in shining armour would father her children and break societal stigma that accompanies marrying persons with disabilities in Cameroon.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Now 26, Diana says much has changed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Fortunate to be among few Cameroonian women with disabilities with access to formal education, Diana\u2019s hope while in secondary school in her native Kumbo, a locality in the country\u2019s English speaking Northwest region, was to work hard and find a loving sighted partner.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It would have been perhaps, the most appropriate time for the young Diana to fetch that dream man, given she is soon to graduate from the university. Instead, she is rapidly reconsidering her secondary school-day stance regarding a life partner.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI cannot fall in love with someone who is not blind like me, never in my life. It is a taboo to me,\u201d she told fiepwd.org in a recent interview.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The subject of marriage for most disabled people in Cameroon usually comes with much to talk about. This is owing to negative societal perceptions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Disability has been an evolving concept in the past five decades surrounded by different models;\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n From charity to medical, and then social to Human Rights where disabilities are viewed as barriers brought by society.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As such, creating an enabling environment for persons with disabilities, PWDs, requires collective action.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Change is constant but to Diana, this does not seem true when it comes to the subject of marriage for PWDs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It almost seems like it would require Divine intervention for a PWD to find a life partner without disability in Cameroon.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Most persons within the disability community would rather intermarry, and this is the new philosophy that Diana too has embraced. <\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n Why PWDs prefer intermarrying<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n Peter Tonain, a sociologist with visual impairment in Bamenda, a city in Cameroon\u2019s Northwest holds that marriage is a game of interest and parties usually want to consider their gains before venturing into it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMany think that persons with disabilities are a liability and as such have nothing to give in a relationship,\u201d he told fiepwd.org.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The sociologist also revealed that the need for prestige contributes to the difficulties that PWDs face searching for soul mates.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n He said men want nothing but the best to maintain a certain social status in their communities.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThe belief is that settling with a disabled person degrades their personality,\u201d he sadly revealed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Diana however, has her own reasons why she either spends her life with a blind person like her or stays single till her last breath.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Diana argues that marriage is a lifetime journey and choosing someone who understands one\u2019s situation is key.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t want a man who instead of face his problems courageously, will regret marrying a blind woman,\u201d she said.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cA blind partner will be more empathetic and tolerant because he understands my limitations,\u201d Diana added hopefully.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n To her, non-disabled men only come to misuse ladies with disabilities. Love for them, is out of the picture in such situations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThey would sing love to you every day and once they get you pregnant, they start threatening you not to tell anyone they did it, if you don\u2019t want to lose your life,\u201d she said.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n For the above reasons, Diana would rather not marry than get a companion who is not blind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The belief that marrying within the PWDs community is good is not upheld by Diana alone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Valentine Djomo was 42 when his wife abandoned him and left with their three children.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The only crime of the once successful business man was that he suddenly developed blindness following an illness in March 2013.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It\u2019s a memory he finds all too painful to reminisce about, but it\u2019s hard to erase it now that he credits the experience for playing a big role in his life.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Valentine, at a time, was a trader at the Bamenda main market, a business center in the capital city of the Northwest region.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n He expected his wife who was already married to him for 12 years to stand by him amidst the tough times. Contrary to his expectations, this was not the case.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Valentine had to battle not only with his acquired blindness and the loss of his business, but also endure being without his much loved wife and kids.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cMy wife was my only source of hope when I lost my sight. Leaving me together with all my three children was the worst thing that could happen to me. The depression was too much,\u201d he sorrowfully intimated to fiepwd.org.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n If Valentine was distraught due to abandonment by his wife, he became even more frustrated when he visited his former business partner at the Bamenda main market.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n As he explained his nightmare to his erstwhile colleague, a passerby dropped a 500 francs (about $1) bank note in a plate he had just finished eating from.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n This only meant one thing: he was taken for a beggar. But was he? Certainly not!<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhat will I really do with this money,\u201d he asked aloud.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n At this point his friend advised him to start buying and selling shopping bags.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI began with five bags and in the next three months, I was operating with a capital of 500 bags,\u201d he delightedly averred.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It all seemed like Pa Djomo would start living happily again, but this was never going to work without his wife and three kids.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n He would make attempts to reunite with them but his wife would not be interested to live with a blind man. A man she was once proud of.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think you can take care of me,\u201d he was told.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n As a Christian, Valentine knew he had to pray hard. In fact, he had to intensify his prayer level, he thought.<\/span><\/p>\n He found comfort in the words of Psalms 30 verse 5, which say; \u201cweeping may endure in the night but joy comes in the morning.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n After 8 years without a woman in his life, the ripe moment came in 2021.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The lady, Lilian Nforgan was also blind. Her blindness didn\u2019t mean anything to him, though. After all, he knew firsthand what it meant to be blind. If anything, he was rather basking in the bliss of his newly found love.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWe understand and love each other and are perfect together,\u201d he joyfully revealed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Lilian for her part, was sighted and had a man in her life until 2017 when she lost her sight. As you would already imagine, she also lost her partner after suddenly becoming blind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Thanks to the Hope Social Union for The Visually Impaired, HSUVI, an association of blind and low vision persons in Bamenda, the duo got connected during one of the organisation\u2019s meetings in 2021.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMy family opposed my desire marrying my man on grounds that we wouldn\u2019t be able to live as two visually impaired partners. But I told them we would be more than able to move along,\u201d said Lilian who also has a daughter aged 21.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Valentine and Lilian are now happily married and raising their four children, three brought in by the former and one by the latter.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n As for Diana, she too is currently in a happy relationship with a visually impaired man. Without a doubt, she hopes to be settling down soon.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Diana and Valentine are just two of several persons with disabilities who prefer to find soul mates like themselves.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Bamenda based sociologist, Peter Tonain however believes that the negative perceptions harbored by many about PWDs in line with dating and marriage is fast changing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cPWDs are teachers, lawyers, bankers, engineers, pastors and many others you can think of. This has elevated them from being beneficiaries to partakers in driving development at community level and nationally,\u201d he said.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIn fact, they are now able to find non-disabled partners owing to continuous advocacy,\u201d he added.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n But to Valentine, Lilian and Diana, it\u2019s more about a true connection of their hearts: the power of love above all else.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Diana in a red gown holding a white cane. By Kesah Princely in Cameroon.\u00a0 Growing up as a little girl, Diana Wirndzerem always dreamt of a good future with a cute sighted man. In her mind, her knight in shining armour would father her children and break societal stigma that accompanies marrying persons with disabilities in Cameroon. Now 26, Diana says much has changed.\u00a0 Fortunate to be among few Cameroonian women with disabilities with access to formal education, Diana\u2019s hope while in secondary school in her native Kumbo, a locality in the country\u2019s English speaking Northwest region, was<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":265,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-267","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/267","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=267"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/267\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":287,"href":"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/267\/revisions\/287"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/265"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=267"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=267"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=267"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"Valentine](\"https:\/\/fiepwd.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/IMG-20230402-WA0114-300x225.jpg\")
Valentine Djomo and visually impaired wife.<\/p>\n
\n<\/span>Pa Djomo met someone, caring and loving.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n